The other day when we went to Buffalo for Zoe’s renal scan results, I had to call Gavyn in from school, as we were leaving early in the morning. I had no one to bring him to school, and nobody to pick him up. We left around 7am for our early morning appointment; school starts at 8:20am. At 8am I called the school. Here is how the conversation went.
Me: Hi this is Gavyn’s mom, Nichol. He is in Mr. E’s 3rd grade class at won’t be into school today
Attendance clerk: Ok what is wrong with him?
Me: Nothing his little sister is at Children’s Hospital today and I had nobody to get him to and from school
Attendance clerk: You do know this is a walking district
Me: He won’t be in and I hung up
While sitting in our truck I was irate, extremely enraged. I immediately called back and asked to speak with the principal. He wasn’t in his office. He finally called back while we were waiting for her 1:00 appointment and I spoke to him. I explained how concerned I was that the attendance clerk told me we are in a walking district and she expected him to walk to school by himself. I said my 8 year old is supposed to wake up by himself, make breakfast, get dressed, make his lunch, lock the house doors, walk 10 minutes to school in negative 17 degree weather, and walk back home at 3:00 to wait 2 hours or so for us to arrive? (For the record, he does get up and dressed by himself. I however do make a hot breakfast, and choose his clothes for the day.) He said to me, “Well we need to ensure our students education. Students should not be missing school, and should be here every day.” Really? I know this! I said our daughter, Gavyn’s little sister is having medical issues right now. He will not be in school while this is going on, and will not walk to school or be a “latchkey” child. I do not appreciate the attendance clerk telling us this, especially when my child is a straight A student, and it is due to medical reasons. I could see if he was missing tons of days, and his grades were bad. He then said, “Oh is everything ok?” I told him she will be fine, and appreciated his time.
Let’s keep in mind that my son has missed a total of 3 days this year, two of those days was due to vomiting and the other was another day we were in Buffalo. Have people not turned on the national news to see the amount of abductions that happen. I’m sorry but my son is 8 years old and will not walk to school by himself especially.
Did I overreact? Maybe but I still think it is total crap what they did to us, and my husband and I feel it was totally wrong of the school to say the things they said to us. This is MY CHILD not theirs. What would you have done?
UPDATE: Everyone is entitled to their opinions. If you allow your elementary children to stay home alone and walk alone, that is fine by me. But please do not come to my blog and attack me, that is bad taste. I simply asked what YOU would have done. My son had no place to be home alone for hours by himself, simply put.
I really liked what Colleen herst said about community. When my husband went out of town on business and I had to work, I would ask one of my son’s friends’ mothers to watch him after school. My son loved going to a friend’s house after school and the friend liked having the company. I got to know his classmates’ mothers and became friends with some of them. I have also stepped in to watch a friend’s child on my days off. We don’t judge each other’s parenting styles but simply help each other out. The stay-at-home moms don’t judge the working moms and vice versa. We all know that we’re all doing our best for our families and kids. Somewhere along the line in the States the idea of people helping each other out has become lost. Fortunately the sense of community is still alive and well here (in Europe). I hope it stays that way.
In Europe kids become independent at an early age. They walk to school on their own, even in inclement weather, starting at age 6. At 10 they ride either public transportation (bus, train) or their bikes to get to school. The ones who live near the school walk. A child riding a bike or walking alone is a normal sight. Kids over age 6 or 7 also play at local playgrounds and parks unsupervised. Parents here don’t worry about abductions or perverts because they know that pedophiles aren’t lurking in the bushes or on every corner. Kids here learn the necessary tools for getting safely from Point A to Point B on their own or with friends.
I am very surprised by the comments here. I am a freeranger but certain that 8 is far too young for a kid to be home along from sunup to sundown. Yes, walking 10 minutes to school shouldn’t be an issue and picking out his own clothes shouldn’t be an issue – but the entire process of the day alone would be too many tasks in a row for a child of that age to reasonably be able to remember. We need to set our kids up for success and for the 8 year olds I know that wouldn’t be a very successful day. I might try one of those behaviours (getting his own breakfast, walking to school alone, etc., letting himself in after school, etc.) but not all at the same time.
However, I do belive that the OP was negligent in this situation. You have a responsibility to ensure that your child attends school. His education should be a priority for your family and you should be teaching him that he will be in class unless he himself is ill. I believe that with the length of wait for most specialist appointments you could have sorted out an alternate method of childcare. I am in HR and am shocked to see how many “adults” miss work for things that are unacceptable. They learn this behaviour early when parents don’t teach them about responsibility from a young age.
His education is number one to me that is why I work with him daily and he is a straight “a” student. This was something that I tried to find friends and family to help, unfortunately my mom who did watch him that day had no vehicle that day, and my second vehicle was in the shop being fixed, so I could not leave it with her. This was not an unacceptable excuse. His sister was having medical issues at the time. I appreciate your comment.
Couldn’t your mom have come over to make him breakfast, walk him to school and be there for the after school period then?
“However, I do belive that the OP was negligent in this situation. You have a responsibility to ensure that your child attends school. His education should be a priority for your family and you should be teaching him that he will be in class unless he himself is ill.”
Yes, inform your child that he’s only allowed to miss school after he gets sick from walking to school in below freezing weather. (of course, if he weren’t “required” to walk to school in freezing weather, he wouldn’t get sick to miss school, but they have to be taught independence, right, and walking to school in freezing temperatures is surely the only way to do it?)
“I am in HR and am shocked to see how many “adults” miss work for things that are unacceptable. They learn this behaviour early when parents don’t teach them about responsibility from a young age.”
You really shouldn’t be encountering any adults who engage in such behaviors, should you? Afterall, aren’t these “adults” 30+ and were raised in an era where they were given freedoms at age 6-8 that would ensure that they grew up to be responsible, healthy and productive contributing members of society. These adults should have come of age before the term “helicopter parent” was coined. Maybe swinging from a tree, drinking water out of garden hoses, and having to fight to keep their lunch money from the school bully while walking to school didn’t really teach as much freedom as we’d have initially suspected.
Did you even read my reply Liz? I didn’t indicate that the son should have necessarily walked to school, but that as his mother the OP had a responsibility to get him there – if that meant enlisting help from extended family members, friends, etc. – or finding out if he can join the before and after school program for a day – there are always options and looking at those shows your kids that their education is a priority.
Secondly, people don’t get sick from walking to school in the cold if they are dressed warmly. I grew up in Canada and it is awfully cold here in the winter – and guess what? Everyone walked to school that was within the walking district.
As for the adults that I meet who don’t make work and their job search a priority tend to come from cultures where helicoptering is/was the norm. In our multicultural society there is a wide range of people and the work ethic seems to vary. I married a man who grew up with helicoptering parents and the involvment of his parents in his adult life AND his complete lack of knowledge about how to do things independently was a huge contributing factor in our divorce. Additionally, the young lady in my office (25) who misses at least 1 day every 2 weeks due to illness and the young man (26) who was 2 hours late yesterday because he “overslept” but still left at 5pm on the dot both live at home with their parents.
I actually really worry about the US where there are apparently pedophiles hiding behind every tree and bullies stealing everyones lunch money each morning.
This post is in response to Liz’s message – as I previously posted I do not necessarily believe that an 8 year old is old enough to be getting up on his/her own, making his/her own breakfast, locking the dront doof, walking to school alone, coming home to an empty house, etc. I do believe that all those things should be introduced as kids mature though because those posters above who walk their 16 year old to school scare the heck out of me!!
I really only saw one post pertaining to a 16-year-old (although the way the posts are nested under one another, I’m having difficulty tracking). In that case, I think the OP said her son texts multiple times throughout his walk. In that case, the multiple distractions of texting probably pose more harm than speeding cars or motorists on cell phones. But there isn’t much wrong with a quick text once he arrives. If he’s paying for his cell phone, he’s free to text who he wants to and can decline (although there STILL are teens who are thoughtful enough to accomodate a concerned parent). However, if his parents pay the cell phone bill, then an obligatory text isn’t that unreasonable, given their son probably spends countless times texting friends for probably pointless reasons.
Now the standard of comparison on numerous posts here, seems to be comparing childrearing in the U.S. versus Europe. Hmm, wasn’t it England and parts of Europe, who as late as the 1800s, required females to have chaperones on dates or not be able to walk ANYwhere unaccompanied? I’m sure no female here is going to readily jump at the chance to return to that type of lifestyle. There are wide cultural differences on how kids and teens are raised, and this notion that there is one perfect way of parenting is counterproductive. I think problems only result when kids needs are ignored, ie they request certain freedoms and aren’t given them or they are given freedoms that they don’t yet want or desire because of parental convenience. As long as you’re within a limited range of what they desire at any given stage, the end result will be fine.
Personally, I lean more towards giving kids freedom. The whole “We are their moms so we need to protect them from every little danger” thing doesn’t hold water with me. We are their moms so we need to prepare them to deal with the world as it is. At 8, I would probably let my kid walk to school if it were close enough and we lived in an okay area. But if that’s not your style of parenting, that’s okay, I won’t judge you. You have to do what you think is right for your child just like I have to do what I think is right for mine. Given that you said your son is a straight A student and rarely misses school, I don’t see a problem with keeping him out on this one occasion if you felt you needed to. Hell, if I hadn’t used all my sick days by the end of the year, my parents used to just let me take them as days off, so long as my grades were kept up and I didn’t miss anything important. Parents should have this leeway as long as the child isn’t regularly absent. That said, I don’t really see why you were so irate with the clerk. She simply informed you that you lived in a walking district. Was she rude or condescending about it? That would explain your anger but it didn’t’ come across in your post. Unless she was threatening to call the truant officer on you, I think you should just let it roll off your back. She may disapprove of your decision but you can’t really control everything everyone thinks or says. Did you want her to be written up or something? For saying something you didn’t like? I would just let it go, no harm no foul. If your district is a walking district, maybe alot of kids do walk and so she may not have thought anything was wrong with suggesting that your son walk.